I am not my relatives

I came across this blog entry the other day, and it resonated with me. Go ahead and click on it; I set it to open in a new window. Hopefully it works right.

The entry essentially told me to stop identifying with my abusive relatives.

I REFUSE to call them "family". They are NOT family. 

Last night I made a cup of tea and had a good long sit down "chat" with my journal. This is what I wrote:

I am finally free to be ME again. It's been almost three years of no contact, and all of the bad behavior I was mirroring is gone. I'm trying so hard to be the exact opposite of all of them. I don't want to be anything like them, ever.

It's been 3 years of no abuse, no contact, no bitching, pissing, moaning, no hinting, no reading between the lines, no having to guess what the troll wants, no three hour one-sided phone calls.

I don't miss any of it.

I am an ORPHAN. And I'm okay with that.

I have created my family, a family of people who help instead of kick us when we are down. A family that has our back, that build us up and sends us positive energy and prayers, and encourages us to keep going, to not give up.

I am in the best place I have ever been in.

It's time to let it all go. Let Karma take over and deal with those that hurt and wronged to me. I'm comfortable with my "handicap", despite not liking it. It will be with me for the rest of my life. 

I will never get an apology from any of them. They will never fix the situation and take away my handicap. 

I see clearly now who and what they all are. And I want no part of their lives, their negative, fearful, abusive, manipulative, hypocritical, ugly lives. 

I am so much better without them.

They were weighing me down and not allowing me to fly and be the best person I could be. They don't deserve happiness, but I'm not going to wish ill on them because that negative energy will come back on me.

So, I give it up to Karma and The Father. Let them take care of those people. I have forgiven. I will not forget the deeds, but  I am ready to forget the people and move forward with my happy, wonderful life.